Anyone want to guess why my bathroom looks like this?
Things that don't belong on the counter include: Saline spray, two disposable tupperware containers, measuring spoons, a measuring cup, table salt, a funnel, a digital meat thermometer, a spoon, and a towel. Any guesses on what I was trying to accomplish? Ok, two nights ago, I was trying to recreate a Neti pot.
I don't have one because they look scary, even though Dr. Haas has now advised me twice to use one. And plus, the first time I ever heard of a Neti pot was back when Dr. Oz demonstrated it on Oprah. First of all, I think Dr. Oz is a crazy man, because the first time I saw him, he said he doesn't use deodorant because it blocks his natural pheromones, and he hadn't used toilet paper in like 20 years (he prefers to spray off with water, in case you were wondering). Anyway, he just seemed way too crunchy and weirded me out. So the next time I see Dr. Oz, he had this thing he called the "nose bidet" and said he uses it every day to clean his sinuses. I was immediately turned off by it because it looked awful, and based on my limited knowledge of Dr. Oz, if he used it and loved it, it was extreme and unnecessary.
Ok, so it's gotten a little better, but the stench is still there. And I'm getting desperate. So I looked up Neti pots online, and educated myself. What I learned is that as long as your saline solution is the same salinity (0.9%) and the same temperature as your own body, it won't burn and it won't feel like there's water in your nose. Then I turned to YouTube and watched a few demonstrations of it, and what sold me was a video of a two year old using one. I decided I could totally do it and resigned to buy one, but it was 2:00 AM, so I couldn't run up to CVS right then. So instead of going to bed like a normal human, I decided to get to work and rig up my own nasal irrigation system.
I looked up the recipe and it called for 3/4 teaspoons of non-iodized pure salt and 16 ounces of distilled water. My recipe: 3/4 tsp Morton's table salt and 16 oz warm water from the bathroom sink. Whatever. Anyway, I measured it and tested the temperature with that meat fork thing, because I can't find my regular thermometer. Then I stuck the funnel in my nose, tilted my head, and poured it in with the measuring cup. It worked! The saline solution went in one nostril, filled up my sinus cavities, and then was forced by gravity out my other nostril, and I swear, it never felt like there was water in my nose. It felt the same as pouring water over your arm or something. The only difference was, because of my method, I didn't look like this girl.
I did, however, look like this cat.
The funnel thing worked enough to show me that irrigating my sinuses with a Neti pot isn't scary, but not enough to make a seal in my nostril and not get homemade saline solution all over me. Nevertheless, when I saw mucus come out with the water, I was sold on the concept. So yesterday I went to the drugstore and bought my very own little Neti pot. This is the model I bought for $14.99 at Rite Aid.
Yes, it looks like a little blue phallus, but that thing is microwavable and dishwasher safe, plus it comes with 50 packets of saline rinse stuff, so I don't have to measure anything. I've already used it twice and guess what? The smell has diminished drastically. I am kicking myself for not getting one of these things sooner, and I love that I'm flushing and cleaning out all that stuff in a completely safe and effective way. And to be honest, I kind of like the way it feels. It's soothing and relaxing. I can see myself having a lifelong relationship with this thing, especially because I have a ton of seasonal allergies and Neti pots are supposed to really help with that. I know this is going to do the trick for me and get rid of that smell once and for all. I should have just listened to Dr. Haas, because once again, he proved he knew what he was talking about.
I still think Dr. Oz is a crazypants though.