This is why

Why are people so weird about nose jobs?  I can't tell you how many people are telling me I shouldn't do it.  My favorite is "Don't change the way God made you!!!!"  Ugh.  If that's your reasoning, does getting a nose job make me any worse than people who get braces or wax their lip hair?  What about how 95% of baby boys get circumcized? (This was the percentage they gave us at the hospital my nephew was born at in May.)

But just to address this once and for all on this blog, I'm not changing my mind.  I'm not still dwelling on every little mean comment that was thrown my way in middle school, but this is just to illustrate that I have been living with something on my face that I not only hate, but has caused me enormous grief since I was ten years old.  I'm sure I would hate my nose regardless, but bullying does have lasting psychological effects.  It's possible that the bullying I endured because of my nose is actually the cause of some of my insecurities as an adult.

It was first brought to my attention in fifth grade.  A friend of mine came up to me after a school program and said, "My grandpa said you're pretty except you have a long nose."  Parents?  Don't tell your kids stuff like that.  This friend was not trying to hurt me, but children that young do not have a concept of tact.

In sixth grade, the 8th grade boys decided to nickname me "Nose."  Nice right?  They didn't know me and I didn't know them, but when I passed these boys in the hall they would loudly say, "Hey NOOOOSE!"  Soon, the sixth grade boys (trying to act like the 8th grade boys) caught on, and I was teased every day.

Seventh grade.  The French teacher picks me for the subject of this activity, even though I begged him not to because I could see where it would lead.  He would say the French word for a facial feature and call on someone, who would have to go up and draw that feature.  So he calls on this girl to draw my nose, and she drew the nose bigger than the entire head.  Then he called someone else up to the board to draw the eyes, and that person got confused and drew them on my nose.  So then the French teacher had to explain that that was my nose, not my face, and then the whole class laughed while I tried not to cry.

From high school on, people were less cruel, but it was still an issue.  There was one incident when I was at a red light with my windows down, and a person in a Jeep at the light next to me said, "Look at her nose!"  to his passenger, but the bullying at school had stopped.  In my adult life, people just say things like "aristocratic" and "Roman" when describing my nose, or that it "has character."  To me, I just hear "BIG." 

Contrary to how this post seems, hating my nose doesn't consume me.  I have a very rich, fulfilling life.  I am happily married, employed, and currently going to school for my second Bachelor's degree.  But although it is less of an issue now, it is still an issue.  I still feel like my nose walks into a room first, with the rest of me following. I still imagine that every time I meet someone new, they think, "She would be pretty, except for that nose."  I still feel like every time I'm at a red light, the people in the car next to me are staring at it and thinking about how big it is.  I still almost always delete, untag, or throw away pictures of me that show my profile.  I am tired of feeling like this, and have finally decided to do something about it so I won't have to feel like this for the next 60 or so years of my life.

My closest friends and family are supportive, because they know me and how I feel.  Other people I'm not as close with just cannot empathize, because I haven't shared with them all of the feelings I've had for the past 16 years.  I'm doing this for me, and I'm happy about my decision.  Hopefully this post gives everyone else a little insight.